Skin

Skin

Who would have thought that skin color determines so much of life… I guess every adult learns the lessons of life but these are not things we think of much as kids.  Having an African American daughter has made me very aware of the issues for better and worse regarding skin color that I overlooked being white in a white bubble.  Costa Rica has been an interesting thing to this regard… I don’t know if it is a good thing or not but people of all ages here fall over themselves to tell Audrey how beautiful she is.  I used to attempt to keep them from touching her, her braids, her skin… until it was impossible, it is a cultural thing.  From young boys of 7 to old men of 90 to young teen girls to the aged grandmothers and all in between Audrey is someone they notice, pour over, smile and wave at, take pictures of and merely adore.  We talk about it, she doesn’t like it all too much, though she is used to the stardom.  I lay awake and think about what does that look like from her eyes, what does that mean, if anything, to her… I am grateful for the definite positive tone, it certainly would be horrible were the same attention paid in a negative way.  It causes me to wonder why I am a white man with US citizenship, good education and functioning body in this world that hold all of those things in high regard, why did I win the ovarian lottery. What would I be like if I were constantly ridiculed for how I looked, how I walked or did not.  I certainly can say I hold animosity every time I check out at a store and know I have been overcharge because I am a gringo, which is more common than not.  There is a small red button in the lower right of the cash register that adds 18 to 80% to every transaction made by a gringo  (I have not seen this button but there is most certainly evidence of its existence, at least in their minds)  I think often of the millions of African Americans and other races that have, for hundreds of years, seen far more injustice for the color of their skin than what I have experienced and learned to be silent about it, compliant, even polite and loving… would I? I fear not.  What would i be like were I a discriminated minority?  I do feel pretty bad as some locals give the stare of hollow hate to me, whether it be from a perception of what they have been taught or if it is just hating the seemingly "rich american" or what, it does bother me.  Most ticos are very nice, some are exemplary and have become my best friends, though just as many are dark towards the guy in the red ball-cap and worn out Keens.  There is a disturbing trend where all advertisements are a fair skinned model, even if they are tico.  I have yet to see ANY tico advertisement featuring darker skinned models, though I am sure one exists.  Funny dichotomy in a country falling over themselves to adore my daughter.  I think I lack some character strength, I want to be filled with love even when hated, I hope that this experience grows my tolerance gland.