You judge the need to wash clothes by stench, disregarding days worn or volume of stains
Your day is considered a huge success when you get one thing accomplished
You drive from your house fully expecting to be pulled over and/or ticketed
The $20 in your wallet is earmarked for bribes
Your laptop is “put away” only when it is hidden in with your dirty laundry, on your person or in a safe
You are soaked with sweat by 8am after taking out the trash
Your ‘bare essentials’ include keys, phone, passport, colones, hat, bugspray, sunscreen and a 3ft machete
Taking a stroll in the yard requires knee boots and a knife longer than your arm
“Going into town” may be an all-day event
You fully expect to several wait weeks for the successful arrival of a repair man, cable guy or any similar tech
You fully expect several visits by the repair tech over the course of a month before your issue is truly done, only to find the "repair" broke 2 more things
You are shocked, giddy and feel like having a party when something actually goes according to plan
Your monthly food bill is more than rent
Your fried food consumption is only surpassed by pineapples and mangos
You plan your daily activities based off of which utility you expect to lose first
Sweat dripped on the keyboard as you read this
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