You may be an ex-pat living in southern Costa Rica if... Part IV

You pass an average of 15 people hawking fruit that looks and feels like colored testicles anywhere you go

You no longer take for granted safe roads, beef, ac, drainage, hot water, utilities, healthcare…

You now listen to hunches because not doing so may cost you your life or the cash equivalent to your highest annual salary

You buy your meds one pill at a time

You have new appreciation for immigrants

Your pillow, bed and clothing feels like they were taken out of the dryer 40 min early

You still can’t figure out how to say “for rent” in Spanish

You learn to use your children to get through traffic stops, bank lines, customs....

Acquiring a rather common item you used to buy on the way home from work now requires ebay, UPS, a friend in the states, Delta, a courier and a taxi

You never paid so much for bloomed crappy chocolate that tastes so bad but feels so good, kinda

Rain, now a daily occurrence, may cause you entire schedule to be changed, canceled or abandoned

You drive slower, not due to traffic tickets, but because the road ahead may disappear at any time

A successful outing  may be judged by the sum of  expected new mosquito bites  divided by volume of new bites times existing bites :    {ENb/Nb}*Eb

Every day you see an amazing new bug, plant and butterfly that science has yet to discover

The word “botfly” is spoken in hushed conversations, away from children, off to the side… never  with those whom love you back home and, if questioned by family, you pretend not to know much about them

You have nearly killed half a dozen motor cyclists in the past month alone driving at night, without lights wearing black in the rain

“the border” is no longer  a fence to keep others out, it is an ethereal place where your future hangs in the balance, your own Mecca; you seek renewal and a glance of approval